Questions – Chapter Nine

Being the only child, Abhi did not have much company growing up except for the daughter of their maid, the young Radha who was a good four years older to him.

Untouched by the harsh realities of social and economic differences between them, Abhi had treated her like his own sister, playing and laughing with her.

Why, Radha taught him to climb up trees or drive monkeys away with catapult. She was the sister he never had.

As they were growing up, Abhi noticed little things that showed that there was a huge line that he can’t toe. That Radha can’t eat with him or that she did not go to school, or that while he played, she had to do the dishes.

They slowly drifted apart from being playmates, as he made friends in his colony, and started cricket practice. He had a boy gang now, but when he bumped into a now teenager Radha, he had always smiled, he had always treated her with the same respect he always had for her.

She had always bought him the first set of ripe mangoes in any season, and he always shared them with her.

But one summer, he had gone to his aunt’s overseas, and that summer he had seen his life being changed drastically.

When he had come back, there was no Radha around.

But what’s more disturbing was the state of their house, and the increased security when he had come home. There was an unrest in the state and although it wasn’t abnormal, his father’s friend, and close confidante, ACP Prakash was seen around their home more often, discussing about a case with his father.

Abhi wondered what could have been the reason for the sudden change, until he had come across a news article by chance.

About death of a young girl, and the accusations that she was raped and killed.

And there were riots that followed amongst two different castes that did not get along well. There were rumors about the girl having an illicit affair and many other stories which did not make any sense. Each rumor was different, and every news channel was fighting over one another with new breaking news everyday.

But what caught the attention of Abhi was the name of the girl. Radha.

Over the months, Abhi saw closely how a crime could be covered up when power is in picture. How one crime committed by someone from his own kin, his distant cousin, was wrapped up neatly and the blame was put on innocents.

And worse how communities could be involved in distracting a crime.

He had seen the parents of Radha, who had been faithful servants come and beg before his father. He had seen how his father threw them a wad of notes.

And he had seen his mother, who had never raised her voice but just stayed silent through this all, sit back in her study more and more, writing, as if that would bring back the life of an innocent.

It angered Abhi, and it made his skin crawl to see his brother walk around without a care in the world.

The anger bought in resentment, and somehow when he got a chance to study abroad, he took it. And when he lost his father, he did not even felt any remorse.

But the night after his father’s final rites were conducted, he had talked to his mother after a very long time.

“Stay back Abhi” his mother told him that night.

She seemed like she lost weight. The loss of a loved one always took away the light in someone’s eyes, but his mother had started looking such for decades now. Without an inch of happiness in her face.

“What should I stay for?” He had asked that day.

“To have a protective environment that would make me walk Scot free even if I choose to murder or rape anyone I want to? That seems tempting, but I’ll pass”

“Abhi…”

“She was like my sister. What had she ever done to you? You are a woman right? Did it not effect you at all? To stay silent and see your husband sling mud and have so many lose their lives in a caste based riot? How much can you let him fall? And I should stay back as his son?”

“What you see is only a fraction of what happens. Change is not immediate Abhi. It will happen over a period of time. And I want you here with me”

“Do not try and manipulate me to be a pawn for your political aspirations, mother”

“Is that what you see when you look at me?”

“No, I see a coward, who could stand by and let everything happen”

She remained silent.

“What do you think should I have done? Turn against your father? Accidental deaths are not unheard of Abhi. A political leader losing his wife would only give him more sympathy. Your father would have been in a win win situation”

This is what his family was, Abhi thought. Where death was not just inevitable but also carefully crafted to lure in more votes. More sympathy. More power.

Love, respect, all these were utopian concepts.

But Abhi stood back, and watched as his mother tried building an empire. It was hard for a woman to walk in the footprints and legacy left by three generations of men. There were too many unwanted advisors by her side who wanted to use her just as a pawn.

And Abhi, although merely 17, stayed back because he knew his only power was that he was the Male member of the family, the next generation, party was looking at. Him staying was important for his mother, and for him to try and see if his mother could in fact bring in the change she was talking about.

Abhi saw his mother’s efforts, and how it was a total waste of time to try and pump out the bad blood. “You are just a pawn in the game”, his mother often told him. “But you should know how to play the game before your time is due”

She played her game well, his mother. Because of her, there was a slight change in the way people looked at their family.

“Will this change mother?” He often saw himself asking, when he saw the party meetings, the alcohol that poured in the campaigns, the scenes behind the speeches, the ugly side of vote politics.

His was a lineage which was most respected and even if he wants or not, there is a sect of public that would vote for their family because of the love for community.

“You can’t fight what you’re born in Abhi” his mother told him. “Do not fight it, do not fight for it. Both are not going to serve the purpose you’re looking for”

“Then what’s the way?”

“Take the strengths that you haven’t asked for to get where you should”

Power did not solve everything. There are always favors that needs to be paid, and alliances that needs to be maintained. The chair of power is often the chair of thorns. His mother learnt it the hard way, and so had he.

The change his mother and him tried to bring in wasn’t blatant. It was gradual. But it was there. But they couldn’t go mark themselves as liberals either. They were tied down.

This was why, when he loved a girl in college, he ensured she would not be carrying the weight of his family background as rumors that would tarnish her character.

He wanted to protect her of everything. With her, he stole these moments to be a regular guy.

But ultimately, he had done what he should not have. Even with the best of intentions, he had made her feel the enormous difference that is between him and her.

“Am I your girl friend only behind closed doors? But you never termed me as your girl friend even. What am I then Abhi, that you choose to walk in to my life after all these years, and expect me to stay right where you have left me?”

“Are you even ready to listen to the answer?” He asked her.

It was then her eyes filled up.

“What if your answer does not match what this heart wants”

He had walked to her then, took her hand and placed it on his heart.

His heart was beating fast against her palm.

“I had spent nights resenting where I have been born, but after meeting you the resentment turned to hatred. I should not have met you Meera. I should not have known you. You come from a world that runs on hopes, love and happiness. My world is murky. It does not have any of these. And every moment spent with you was an acute reminder of what exists on the other side of the world but what I could not have”

“You know what this heart wants?” He asked to a silent Meera.

“It wants you”

This time when she touched his cheek with her palm, he let her.

And when she raised on her toes to kiss him, every inch of restrain he practised, went for a toss, as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer, as if one more breath away from her would be his last.